Mark 6:30-34, 53-56
The apostles gathered around Jesus and told him all that they had done and taught. He said to them, “Come away to a deserted place all by yourselves and rest a while.” For many were coming and going, and they had no leisure even to eat. And they went away in the boat to a deserted place by themselves. Now many saw them going and recognized them, and they hurried there on foot from all the towns and arrived ahead of them. As he went ashore, he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion for them, because they were like sheep without a shepherd, and he began to teach them many things.
When they had crossed over, they came to land at Gennesaret and moored the boat. When they got out of the boat, people at once recognized him and rushed about that whole region and began to bring the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was. And wherever he went, into villages or cities or farms, they laid the sick in the marketplaces and begged him that they might touch even the fringe of his cloak, and all who touched it were healed.
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A few months ago, I began to become aware of a habit that I have regarding eye contact. I noticed that when I was speaking to somebody in the course of my day, I would make eye contact briefly, but I wouldn’t hold it for long. Most of the time, this was okay. However, there were some times that I became keenly aware that I was breaking eye contact before the moment was completed. And even in some cases, I was already walking away as the encounter trailed off.
Once I became aware of what I was doing, I decided to try an experiment – to see what would happen if I consciously held eye contact for even just a little bit longer. What I noticed was surprising. First, I noticed that not everybody wanted to continue holding eye contact. That part wasn’t terribly surprising. However, what was surprising was that with some people, the longer eye contact was held, the deeper the connection that was made. And with some people, I could sense an energetic exchange – brief though it may be – that was really nourishing, satisfying.
This sense of energetic exchange – and the ways that we can block it comes up in the reading from Mark’s gospel this week, though admittedly, it’s not clear at first.
The lectionary text as given is only partial, and a bit confusing. We hear that Jesus’ students have returned from being sent out to teach and heal. We can imagine that they are excited to share all that they have encountered when the crowd starts to follow them. And if we just go with the text as presented in the lectionary that’s about all that there is to it – crowds and crowds of people bringing the sick to Jesus in order to be healed.
But there’s much more going on in this passage. The bit that is cut out reads:
When it grew late, his disciples came to him and said, “This is a deserted place, and the hour is now very late; send them away so that they may go into the surrounding country and villages and buy something for themselves to eat.” But he answered them, “You give them something to eat.” They said to him, “Are we to go and buy two hundred denarii worth of bread and give it to them to eat?” And he said to them, “How many loaves have you? Go and see.” When they had found out, they said, “Five, and two fish.” Then he ordered them to get all the people to sit down in groups on the green grass. So they sat down in groups of hundreds and of fifties. Taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and blessed and broke the loaves and gave them to his disciples to set before the people, and he divided the two fish among them all. And all ate and were filled, and they took up twelve baskets full of broken pieces and of the fish. Those who had eaten the loaves numbered five thousand men.
Immediately he made his disciples get into the boat and go on ahead to the other side, to Bethsaida, while he dismissed the crowd. After saying farewell to them, he went up on the mountain to pray.
When evening came, the boat was out on the sea, and he was alone on the land. When he saw that they were straining at the oars against an adverse wind, he came toward them early in the morning, walking on the sea. He intended to pass them by. But when they saw him walking on the sea, they thought it was a ghost and cried out, for they all saw him and were terrified. But immediately he spoke to them and said, “Take heart, it is I; do not be afraid.” Then he got into the boat with them, and the wind ceased. And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.
Considering the mission that the disciples were just on, it seems significant that when faced with the crowds, Jesus turns to the disciples and says, “You give them something to eat.” This seems like a natural extension of the healing mission in which Jesus invited the disciples to allow themselves to be channels, instruments of Sacred Unity.
But the disciples seem to have already forgotten.
It’s like the scene in The Empire Strikes Back when Yoda tells Luke to use the force to lift his X-Wing fighter from the marsh of Degobah. Luke says that he can’t and Yoda goes on to demonstrate that the seemingly impossible was quite possible.
The gospel writer drives this point home several verses later when the text says “And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened.”
A connection was possible – an energetic exchange was possible, but their hearts were hardened.
What are the ways that our hearts become hardened? Anxiety… fear… shame… aversion…. Notice that when these elements begin to dominate, we become cut off. However, just like holding eye contact with a stranger, sometimes… when we can be aware of the reaction to vulnerability and connection and hold it anyway, something flows.
Now, of course, the point isn’t to get it right all of the time. Were we to do that, there would be no learning, no growth. But to catch ourselves when we become hardened – in the moment of physical, emotional, or spiritual activation – so that we can relax back into the flow.
Perhaps there is one way that we can practice this week – staying connected to Source, to ourselves, and to each other – so that we can experience what just might be possible when we allow ourselves to be instruments, vessels of love, mercy, grace.
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